So I Have Been Away...It's Oscar Month! HUGE MASSIVE FILM/TV/MAKE-UP GIVEAWAY

I know I have been away for 6 months, but that's all in the past.  I've decided to dedicate my time to my blog fans (all five of you).  Let's get right into it.  Those pictures aren't up there to confuse thine eyes. Oh no.

As I have been the proverbial 'cheating husband' since August I thought i'd seduce you all with a stupendously gargantuan giveaway to warm the cockles of your so-forgiving hearts.

So what am I giving away? Well not second hand wantaways for a start.  Five film/tv prizes plus one  L'Oreal/ Lancome make-up/cosmetic/men hygeine giveaway.  I just want to also add that what you see on those two images is NOT the totalus summus of what i'll be giving away.  Got an extra £150 loot (new releases too) hidden away.

Always leave the customer wanting more.  Unless the customer is Hitler/ Winona Ryder/ etc.

So how do you win? Simple.  I'll pose five questions on my facebook page on 17/18th Feb.  Each question answered correctly puts you in the draw for that prize.  Answer one Q right and i'll put you in the draw for the cosmetic prize and your wife/daughter/sister/brother/husband/son/baby/foetus/milkman will love you for the next year or so.

Ill draw the winners hourly on the night of the Oscars and the winners will be announced during my live blog of the night. Fair game?  Good stuff.

A Few Good Giggles

Live Oscar-thon!

Good evening all!

It's 11.04 and we're just under two hours away from the beginning of the show!

The red carpet hits over the next couple of hours so ill keep you updated with the highs and lows.

First, I need a vanilla chai latte.

11.10 Fearne's out ready to interview whoever she can crack, although with day glow pink eyeshadow (bright enough to blind) she looks a bit over eager...

11.25 It's Dominic Cooper! Yep the one from The Duchess and also the one from Mamma Mia! I swear he has been on more red carpets than films. Something he seems slightly embarrassed by!
11.27 Sir Anthony Hopkins likes Fearne's eyeshadow..."It's original" he quips. I couldn't agree more.


11.38 Kevin Kline Four words. A Fish Called Wanda. Apparently Mr Kline is due to present an award this evening. That's the total extent of the excitement so far!

11.42 "I'll be like Superman, getting changed in the phone booth. Except there are no phone booths now because we all have cell phones." Classic. The delightful Taraji Henson.


11.48 The Slumdog Kids (TM) are out in force which is fantastic! They're all high on skittles, smarties or something similarly hyperactivating. Can you imagine how their lives have changed since the film was released in India?

00.00 Danny Boyle. Cotton: "What does it mean to you to win an Oscar?" Boyle: "I don't know, I haven't won one!" Humble to the end.

00.04 Michael Shannon of Revolutionary Road ilk. The man does not cry!

00.12 It's another Michael...Michael Sheen this time. Why was he not nominated? "I've heard that they're really going for it tonight..." Interesting. Ooooh Ahhhh

00.19 Robert Pattinson (Twilight Vampire). I'll be honest, he has nothing to say (which is exactly what he says).

00.20 Fearne's watched Mamma Mia on DVD four times. There are a few problems with that statement. BUT WAIITTTTT! It's AMY ADAMMMMSSS! Highlight of the night already, though she has a really revolting piece of neckwear going on...

00.23 Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick. She's wearing Dior, he looks like he doesn't give a toss. How about a Ferris Bueller sequel eh? Any takers for 'Ferris Bueller: Struck Off Work'?

00.25 Josh Brolin. Great in Milk. If he won an Oscar he would send it to the Coen's...right...

00.26 Ben Kingsley. It's going crazy now. Kingsley, stately as ever sporting a gangster beard-moustache combination. Favourite film: Slumdog Millionaire. After the show he'll be ''having a beverage." MARRRRISSAAAA TOMEEEIIII sporting an L-neck topped ivory dress. That's a new one! She's asked by Miss Cotton if 'The Wrestler' is the best film she has made. An understandingly flummoxed Tomei eventually replies that "it may just be..."

What better than 'The Guru'? Surely not...

00.32 Mickey Rourke. "I don't know what's gonna come out. I'm a bit absent minded." [ENTER OBVIOUS GENIUS SPEECH REMARK].

00.35 The real David Frost. He seems happy enough with Frost/Nixon. Maybe it nudged him gently into a light slumber.

00.37 Peter Gabriel. He isn't performing tonight because the Oscars titted the performing of his song. Fairplay.

00.44 I hate Claudia Winkleman and I'm not too fond of Gok Wan too... Brangelina have arrived. Mrs Pitt-Jolie looks rather regal really. Ohh and Fearne Cotton hasn't managed to grab the Cruzster. Must try harder.

10 minutes to showtime!

00.55 Brad waves hello to the UK. He's got five minutes to get in. Better run, Lt. Raine.

Right, I'm not blogging the red carpet now. NOPE! WAIT! Winslet. Save the best to last! I hope she wins for Revolutionary Road...ohh wait. She's wearing Yves Saint Laurent. Excellent.

Right, definately off. Back in a bit for the real deal.

01.05 HERE WE GO. ITS THE 81ST ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS!

Nope, not yet. First some Winkleman-Wan-Wankery.

Freida Pinto: Galliano. Good, not great.
Heidi Klum: Dior Galliano. Nice.
Amy Adams: Carolina Herrera. No No.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Dior Couture. Apparently needs some hair product.
Taraji Henson: Alberto Ferreti.
Marisa Tomei: Versace. Looks amazing. I agree.
Anne Hathaway: Armani (with a million quid worth of bling).
Kate Winslet: YSL. Always gets it right. Kate "lives in her body" according to Wan. Spooky.
Natalie Portman: Pink on red. This years look apparently.
Angelina Jolie: Wan likes it but...

The fashion review right there in a little nugget. Not my views, just Gok's. He KNOWS apparently.

01.28 A midnight menagerie. Idle thumbs. Fresh impetus. Invigorated outlook. And, here...we...go!

01.34 And here's our host, Hugh Jackman (Sexiest Man Alive). "I would swim a sea of excrement!"

The Reader in a quasi-Kraftwerk posterior. Who woulda funked it?

"IIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMM WOOOOOOOOLLLLLLVEEEERRRRIIIIIINNNNNNEEE!"

01.43 Jackman informs us that he is contractually obligated to mention Brangelina at least five times tonight. Four to go.

01.46 Introduction to Actress in a Supporting Role. Oscar has shaken up things here by bringing past winners on the stage to describe each of this year's nominations. Different, though I don't think it's a move which will make the Oscars shorter. Onstage luminaries include Angelica Huston, Tilda Swinton & Whoopi Goldberg.

And the Oscar goes to... Penelope Cruz! Yay!

"Has anyone ever fainted here?! I might be the first one!" Truly deserved. Slight water work burst followed by a twist of Espanola. I just love me an overwhelmed winner.

For the only other 50:50 acting award we have to wait for Leading Actor methinks.

01.55 Steve Martin & Tina Fey. Some witty banter then, Original Screenplay.

And the Oscar goes to... Dustin Lance Black (Milk). The best of the picture nominees so I'm glad it won (though Wall-E would've been a nice surprise also).

"God does love you." Amen to that.

02.01 Adapted Screenplay. Hmm will it be someone other than Simon Beaufoy? If it is I will burn the hair on my feet...

My feet live to walk another day as Simon Beaufoy wins. He looks as surprised as a male snake who has just been told he will be made into shoes at the earliest available opportunity. Therefore not very. Slumdog Millionaire is one for one.

02.06 Jack Black bets all his money (earned from work on Dreamworks productions) on Pixar. Good call Mr Black, good call. This not-so-secret tip leads us to Animated Feature which Wall-E will win. There I said it ok! Sorry to curtail any suspense...

Wall-E wins. Should have been in the Best Picture category. Baaaah Humbug.

Animated Short -La Maison En Petit Cubes. I haven't seen any of the shorts but I want to!

02.16 The background music is cloyingly annoying! Why do we need neo-jazz over the top of the award for Art Direction? Daniel Craig & Sarah Jessica Parker battle to get a word in.

And the Oscar goes to... The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. So it does win at least one award tonight. There was a possibilty (although distinct) it could have gone home empty handed.
Costume Design - Right, I get the picture. They are bundling the techies together in some sort of filmmaking narrative, which is time saving but unrequiringly glib. Kinda gives the impression that these awards matter less somehow. Taste Mouth Bitter In.

And the Oscar goes to... The Duchess which wins by default as it was the only one with 'out there' costume design.

Make-Up Design - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Well done to this crew, terrific work all round to make Brad Pitt look quasi-pubescent. No matter how difficult that sounds (sticky jealousy).

02.25 Robert Pattinson & umm...The girl in Mamma Mia, Amanda Seyfried, introduce the best of Romance in 2008. How odd...will there be a best of narcotic teenagers segment later on?

02.32 Natalie Portman & a jungle-bearded Ben Stiller/Joaquin Phoenix introduce Cinematography. Anthony Dod Mantle (Slumdog Millionaire) grabs the gong. But you knew that already, did you not?

02.39 Jessica Biel presented the Sci-Tech Academy Awards. I'm not to sure why she presented it but good on the girl. If you have an open diary, host the tech awards!

02.42 Another 'best of' segment, this time Comedy with the Pineapple Express guys. Hilarious James Franco/Seth Rogan/Milk joke.

They then come on stage with Janusz Kaminski (Schinder's List framer) to present Live Action Short which goes to Spielzeugland (Toyland). Well done.

02.53 Hugh Jackman &...Beyonce Knowles in a old fashioned cabaret number which morphs into Grease & other assorted musicals. I've now seen it all. No I haven't as here come real-life couple Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens and not-so-real couple Dominic Cooper and Amanda Seyfired to help out. That was created by Baz Luhrmann by the way.

03.01 As I enter my fourth hour, the Actor in a Supporting Role descriptions begin. Christopher Walken, Kevin Kline, Alan Arkin, Joel Grey & Cuba Gooding Jr do the honours. Just the image of Heath Ledger makes my hands clammy and my spirit tremble. Nervous...

And he wins.

Followed by a montage on Documentary of 2008.

03.14 Can I just say Werner Herzog is a genius. Well I have! Grizzly Man was top, top documentary filmmaking. The winner this year is, Man On Wire which is as worthy winner as any film this year. Philippe Petit, ever the showman!

03.18 Smile Pinky wins Documentary Short.

03.23 It's Action 2008. RAAAWWWKK ME BAABBY. YEEEHHHHAAAWW! Half of these films are terrible!

03.25 Big Willie comes on to present Outstanding Visual Effects. Won of course for some astonishing work in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

03.28 Sound Editing. Ooh interesting one. Will Slumdog keep up it's sweeping course? NO! The Dark Knight wins. Makes sense to me.

03.32 Sound Mixing. Wall-E contains un-bel-ievable sound mixing and should win. But Slumdog Millionaire wins. How strange then that it didn't win Sound Editing. You would think they would go hand in hand!

03.35 Film Editing. Slumdog Millionaire wins! I'm so happy I want to kick a dog. Actually this one is well deserved. The editing truly made this film. Four wins out of five so far for the Mumbai movie.

03.43 The Jean Hersholt Award to Jerry Lewis. Love his role in Scorcese's King of Comedy.

03.50 Original Score expertly played by the in-house orchestra. Out come Alicia Keys & Zac Efron to present. A.R Rahman wins for Slumdog Millionaire.

John Legend comes on to sing Down To The Ground from Wall-E (written by Peter Gabriel & Thomas Newman). The song is flanked by the two Slumdog nominees (Jai Ho & Oh Saiya). The ending is the strangest combination of the night. No contest.

04.01 Original Song. Jai Ho wins. I thought the Slumdog pair would split the vote but alas I am wrong! That makes six wins. It's got two more to come (Picture & Director) and it's favourite for both.

04.05 Liam Neeson & Freida Pinto come-a-prancing to present the award for Foreign Language Film. Departures (Japan) wins!!! Probably the biggest shock of the night so far. I had Waltz With Bashir, The Class and The Baader-Meinhof Komplex ahead of Departures.

In Memoriam...to those who will stay with us for all of time...

04.19 Reese Witherspoon arrives with swan-like grace to present the first of the four big 'uns, Directing. Danny Boyle wins his first and seventh for Slumdog Squarepants. He bounces up and down on the stage, a reference to Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. Winkleman and her merry crew are overjoyed.

04.25 No let up now, Actress in a Leading Role. Last year's winner Marion Cotillard was an unexpected pleasure, same again this year?

Halle Berry, the aforementioned Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren et al arrive on stage.

Kate Winslet for The Reader. Wrong film, right actress. 'Nuff said really.

04.36 Actor in a Leading Role. OK now I'm seriously excited. I haven't got a clue. Who did I predict. Penn you say? Could be a tie in my view. Both performances just elevate each other's performance to that next step of greatness.

Out come an ostentatious group of actors. Robert De Niro, Sir Ben Kingsley, Anthony Hopkins, Adrian Brody & Michael Douglas. Wow.

Sean Penn wins! Harvey Milk will be remembered forever and Penn has a huge part in that. It's Penn's second win and even though his reputation as a great actor was already secured this just solidifies the status further. Well done Sean! (Mickey your turn will come).

04.47 The 'Berg comes out to draw a close to proceedings. I'll eat my telly if Slumdog doesn't win. I'm rooting for Milk. Best Picture is won by. . . Slumdog Millionaire! Well done to the cast and crew who are all on the stage (and some drape just off centre).

Eight awards. Slumdog is topdog tonight and 2008.

I'm off to bed! Thanks to the few who stayed up and checked out the live blog!

It's An Oscar Jamboree!

The end of the film year is nigh (though my patriotic inner-self tells me that the year ended on the night of the BAFTAs). This Sunday, the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences wraps up a splendid year for world cinema. Many new and unexpected twists are expected at the Kodak Theatre this year, not least the producers attempting to shave a whole hour off the ceremony's bloated girth.

What won't be as surprising are the winners on the night, many of which could have been settled as locks several moons ago...

So predictions are as predictions will always be, pointless and ultimately fruitless apart from those categories which still have some sort of lottery attached;


Rourke Vs Penn

A monolithic acting face off. Probably the most exciting category of the night and to be honest either winning would greatly ameliorate what is certain to be a dour night in award terms. Many pundits would claim that Rourke is the sentimental choice, Penn the actors' choice. But that is a disservice to both men, who will have a much larger voting base and could conceivably cancel each other out. I love both performances (the Leading Actor category is arguably the strongest category in the field) but I just feel Penn will edge the voting.

Winslet Vs Hathaway Vs Streep

Not as uncertain as Rourke/Penn but another category which won't necessarily mean victory for Winslet. As with the Leading Actor race, Streep won the SAG award (voted for by actors, the largest group in the Academy) and Hathaway has picked up a few critics awards during the award season. But with Winslet having won the Golden Globe and BAFTA I won't be the one to back another actress!

Cruz Vs Tomei Vs Davis

Davis winning would not be the biggest surprise to be honest. Cruz still remains favourite in my view though Tomei could also nick the prize.

I think the other races are pretty much signed, sealed and delivered. Slumdog will win at least six prizes including Best Picture (the most boring line-up since Chicago won a few years back). The Curious Case of Benjamin Button should win two or three techies including visual effects and make-up. Wall-E for animated film, Waltz with Bashir for foreign language film and Man on Wire for documentary.

Another indicator for the night will be the two sound categories (mixing and editing). If Slumdog wins both then we're looking at the first clean sweep since Return Of The King in 2003.

Just A Quickee

For those of you who don't have access to Sky One & Sky Movies Premiere this Sunday, i'll be live blogging the whole Oscar she-bang from the red carpet to the encore come 4-5am (undoubtedly a herculean task). Hopefully, I will be able to get my hands on live images and video and stick them up on the blog as and when they arrive.

Check out the blog from 11pm ish on Sunday evening. Should be bangin!

Enter The Jackman

Slumdog Questionnaire

Slumdog Millionaire. Slumdog Crorepati.

The film has received wide spread acclaim on both sides of the Atlantic and has collectively secured a total of 21 nominations from Oscar and BAFTA. Its an unstoppable train, an inevitable march towards ultimate recognition. But since the film premiered in Mumbai on the 22nd January, a backlash has begun. From online film twitters to Bollywood megastars, questions have been raised regarding the quality of the film as well as the India it portrays.

See http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2009/jan/15/danny-boyle-shows

The final 30 mins of the film is so dizzyingly and gleefully edited, as if magically wrought by the genius of a Capra, Disney or Miyazaki, I defy anyone to be left unmoved (or uninvolved) by the final credits. However, the film does still seem to me as a little one-dimensional and predictable in its storytelling with the D-E-S-T-I-N-Y card a little too large to consume.

My interest is definately more rooted in the global debate it has raised.

Is it 'poverty porn'? Or is it a fair portrait of modern day India? I would argue the latter but many have vehemently disagreed. On the flipside, does it deserve to win the biggest and most recognised award in cinema? Is that it's place in history or should we be laying out the red carpet for more populist yet also critically raved fare such as Wall-E or The Dark Knight? All comments welcome!

What the film's success has done (hopefully) is to break down the barriers at a grass root level for talented international films and filmmakers to force through the age-old stereotypes as to what we as western audiences want from cinema.

Plus the kids are alright :).

The Class of 2009 (Isn't Mickey Rourke Great?!)

Click on image for full size Academy-lovin'!

Talkin' 'Bout A Revolution

Over a decade has passed since that film about a sinking boat swept the world OVER and OVER and OVER (and over and over again...and...you get the picture).

Since those most dizzying times, the starlets who graced that film have gone on to acheive critical acclaim on their ascent to the A-List (BILLY ZANE I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!!). Amazingly, Revolutionary Road is the first time 'Our Kate(TM)' and Leonardo Di Caprio have shared a scene together since 1997.

Revolutionary Road, adapted from the Richard Yates novel of the same name, tells the tale of Frank and April Wheeler (DiCaprio and Winslet) and their entrapment in suburban dystopia in post-war America. Frozen socially (and spiritually!), the couple set up to move to Paris with their two children. However, unplanned events pullulate awkwardly creating the rumblings which precede an EMOTIONAL AVALANCHE.

Without giving too much away, the film succeeds as a good adaptation of a classic work. Admittedly the screenplay lacks the boldness or depth of characterization developed in the novel but it still delivers a gut punch mainly due to the strong performances of the ensemble cast. Kate Winslet is terrific as April Wheeler. Open and stubborn, loving yet aggressive. Ultimately its the fragility of the woman she is portraying that gives the performance that extra dimension. It was a toss up as to which performance she would be nominated for come Oscar night. I actually prefer this performance to The Reader (I guess Ricky Gervais was depressingly right. NAZIS! WINSLET! HOLOCAUST! WEINSTEIN! OSCAR! OSCAR! OSCAR!).
Thankfully, Michael Shannon's scene stealing performance was recognised in the supporting actor category.

Finally I must insessantly clamor for recognition of the work done by Roger Deakins, cinematographer of classics such as No Country For Old Men, Fargo and Shawshank Redemption. His work is what elevates the film into much more than the sum of its individual performances.

Grade: B (7/10)

Revolutionary Road (Dir. Sam Mendes) is released on Friday 30th January.

DGA Ruminations

The DGA (Director's Guild of America) announce the winner of their coveted award on Saturday 31st January at the Hyatt Regency Central Plaza Hotel (what a name!) in Los Angeles.

The DGA has a strong track record of predicting the winner of the Best Picture Oscar, 15 of the last 20 winners matching with the Golden Bald One.

This years nominees are:

DANNY BOYLE - Slumdog Millionaire
DAVID FINCHER - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
RON HOWARD - Frost/Nixon
CHRISTOPHER NOLAN - The Dark Knight
GUS VAN SANT - Milk

Should Win - Gus Van Sant (Milk)
Classy biopic, great performances. All brought together under the steady guidance
of a director whose great body of work has been left in the shade too often by
award bodies.

Will Win - Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire)
The trumpets and general fanfare started (what is beginning to feel like..)
months and months ago. Where were the academy when Trainspotting crept out
of the murky underground?

Well we'll see...

It isn't about escaping, its about running away from yourself...